Showing posts with label take a break. Show all posts
Showing posts with label take a break. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Free Drinks
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"
The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."
To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."
Friday, March 2, 2012
Four blokes
Four blokes have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group was to leave, Ron's wife put her foot down and told him he wasn't going.
Ron's mates were very upset that he couldn't go, but what to do?
Two days later the three got to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Cripes Ron!! How long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I have been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said: "Guess who?"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said: "Do whatever you want."
SO, HERE I AM !!!
Two days before the group was to leave, Ron's wife put her foot down and told him he wasn't going.
Ron's mates were very upset that he couldn't go, but what to do?
Two days later the three got to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Cripes Ron!! How long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I have been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said: "Guess who?"
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said: "Do whatever you want."
SO, HERE I AM !!!
people of wal-mart
ok heres the deal we all have seen them and laughed or butts off.
so go ahead post ur funnie wal-mart people lets see if anyones kin folks show up :)
so go ahead post ur funnie wal-mart people lets see if anyones kin folks show up :)
politically correct
As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, try this one:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentine, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night
club.
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai"
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentine, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night
club.
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai"
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
0 Follow this topic The fig leaf
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every
once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun,the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue
of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.
''Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place
stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand.
Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
‘Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender,
'Would you like a drink?' 'No thank you, but, I still don't
understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the
fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink.....?
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every
once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun,the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue
of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.
''Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place
stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand.
Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
‘Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender,
'Would you like a drink?' 'No thank you, but, I still don't
understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the
fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink.....?
Brain Study...see if you can figure it out
Brain Study...
Wow! It took me a few seconds, but then I got the hang of it...I've seen this with
the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers.
Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
Friday, February 24, 2012
close shave
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
